That time of the month
by Subaru Sumeragi
Summary: A funny little Haruka/Michiru fic I wrote awhile ago...Haruka may act a lot like a guy, but she's still a woman afterall. ^.^


Author's Notes: Don't own Sailor Moon…yada yada. I actually wrote this a LONG time ago, but I never really advertised it. If you're a guy and you get queasy when women talk about women things, you probably shouldn't read it.  
  
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Haruka moaned in pain. "Damn estrogen…" she muttered under her breath. She looked up at the ceiling of her room. "Kami-sama, why do you want to punish me? I guess it's because of the blood I spilled that my blood is spilled now."  
  
Michiru sighed, resting her head back against the doorframe. "Haruka, don't be so dramatic. You think you'd be used to this by now. It's a regular monthly thing!"  
  
"Easy for you to say woman!" She tried to sit up, faltered and fell back against the mattress. "You don't know my pain…"  
  
Michiru sighed again. She grew weary of this played out scene. "Of course I know your pain. I'm a woman too."  
  
"Damn you and your sensible logic. You always have to be so perfect all the time! I'm sick of it." She grabbed a nearby pillow and flung it, making a direct hit with Michiru's face. The soft cotton object slid down her porcelain skin revealing the imprint of the embroidered floral pattern in bright red welts. Her face was stony with anger. Her icy gaze was the only thing restraining Haruka from giggling, which was fortunate because laughing wasn't good for her cramps. "Umm…Michiru, gomen…. You know how bad my mood swings get."  
  
Michiru clenched her teeth behind an elegant smile, remaining as ever a tower of calm, collective poise. Haruka waited for any response from her lover, getting more worried as the seconds ticked by without so much as a blink from the girl. Michiru spun around on her heel. "Well…Haruka. I see you won't be needing my help. Good day." She stormed out of the room.  
  
Haruka dragged herself to the edge of the bed feebly. "Michiru. Matte!" She silently cursed herself and the shooting pains in her abdomen that kept her from consoling the hurt feelings of her koibito. She stood up, wincing, and dragged herself through the halls. She came to a stop next to a chair that Michiru was sitting in. Placing a gentle hand on her green hair, she spoke with a tender tone in her voice. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry. I hate being like this. I need you. I really do. It's…it's just." Her other hand locked into a fist as her pain intensified. She fell to the floor. "Oh my god the pain! For the love of god, make it stop!"  
  
Michiru looked down at her sympathetically. She touched Haruka's cheek and sighed. "Poor thing. Drag yourself back to bed. I'll go out and get you some Midol or something." She watched Haruka slink back into the dark hallway from whence she came.  
  
She turned around and saw Hotaru standing there, her innocent eyes pleading with Michiru. "Michiru-mama. Is Haruka-papa okay?"  
  
Michiru smiled brightly. "Of course she is, darling. Now you just go run along and play. I need to go get something for papa, so if you need anything just give Setsuna-mama a call." She patted Hotaru's head and walked to the door. She grabbed a coat from out of the closet. "And one more thing. Don't disturb papa. She's needs her rest." She turned the doorknob and left.  
  
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Michiru smiled and thanked the courteous pharmaceutical employee. She checked her bag, making sure the extra strength Midol and Tampax Compaks were set securely inside.  
  
As she walked out the door, a torrential downpour started as if Kami-sama were trying to thwart her every attempt at alleviating Haruka's pain. She giggled softly. "Maybe God does have it in for you, Haruka." She didn't care about the rain. In fact, the cold was the only thing that kept her from really enjoying it. She folded over the plastic bag and carried it bundled in her arms so that the contents wouldn't be damaged.  
  
And it all would have ended there. Michiru would have made it home and given Haruka her Midol, and they would have lived happily ever after. That is…if it had been normal rain. But this rain was far from normal. As the low rumbling of thunder echoed in the sky, Michiru decided it would be best to hurry home. She began a swift jog back to her house. As she went to turn a corner, her heels failed to catch grip, and she went tumbling, banging her head against a motorbike. Her parcel went skidding across the sidewalk. The rain swallowed up the bag, melting away the Midol pills and reacting in the oddest way to the Compaks. They glowed brightly and began to grow, shifting and morphing into a short thin monster, with easy plastic applicator.  
  
She walked over quietly to the fallen girl, brushing back her hair to reveal a steady drip of blood falling down her now pale face. "Oh the master won't like this." She scrunched her hand into a fist, then opened it, revealing a small cotton ball which she secured to the side of Michiru's head to stop the bleeding. She then proceeded to pick the girl up in her arms and teleport away.  
  
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Hotaru looked with wide-eyes at the cloudy night sky. It had been about four hours and Michiru-mama had not returned home. She slid off the couch and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the cordless. Like the good obedient girl that she was, she called Setsuna-mama. After a few rings, she placed the phone back on the base. She looked down the hallway to the master bedroom.  
  
Michiru's words rang in the back of her mind. "And one more thing. Don't disturb papa. She's needs her rest." Hotaru blinked and looked down the hall again. She knew that she shouldn't bother Haruka-papa, but she was getting worried about Michiru-mama. She slowly walked down the hallway, her fuzzy bunny slippers tapping against the floor, creating an ominous echo. She stopped at the door, knocking with a trembling hand.  
  
"What do you want?" The low grumbling reply came back at Hotaru.  
  
"Ano…Haruka-papa. Michiru-mama has been gone for a few hours, and the rain has gotten bad. I think maybe something happened." She said, her voice shaking with fear of Papa's wrath.  
  
Haruka shot up from underneath the covers. She got out of bed and popped her head out the door, staring down at Hotaru. She shifted her gaze to a clock and realized that it was indeed many hours since Michiru had left. She looked back down at the trembling girl. She smiled softly. "It's okay Hotaru. I'll go find mama. You wait here." She shuffled down the hall, grabbed a coat and umbrella, and left, still in her pajamas but not quite caring.  
  
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Michiru opened her eyes, adjusting to the bright light of whatever room she was in. Her head was swimming, so she decided to continue lying inertly in that spot. She pressed her head into a soft satin pillow to get away from the pain of the bright chandelier hanging above her bed.  
  
Suddenly, a thought hit her: since when did she have a chandelier over her bed? She bolted upright and looked around. There was not one thing that was even vaguely recognizable to her. She was in an elegant room, which had high ceilings decorated with mosaic tiling in intricate swirling patterns that only made her more dizzy. There was a potent blooming perfume of rose petals that were lining the outskirts of her bed. At a time like this, there was only one thing she could really think to say: "Where am I?"  
  
"You're with me now…there's no need for fear." A cool voice echoed through the room.  
  
Michiru spun around, peering into the darkness beyond a golden archway. "Who said that?"  
  
"I did." A soft hand reached out and touched her green curls. She spun around, connecting eyes with a strange man. His attire seemed to be made of nothing less than spun gold and silver with the occasional precious gem to give the ensemble some color. He reached down and grabbed one of her hands, lifting it up to grant it a precious kiss. He looked up at her with sincere crystal eyes that shone in every color of the rainbow when catching the right light from the chandelier above. "Don't be afraid. I'd never hurt you. My name is Alaric Vaniteux. I have come a very long way to find you, my bride."  
  
She blinked and swallowed hard. "Bride? I think you've made some mistake."  
  
"Oh darn it! I'm sorry. I'm not so familiar with your simple earth terminology." He sighed and looked at her with a gaze of pity. "My poor darling. It'll be hard to make that primitive brain of yours up to par with my intellectual superiority, but our love will persevere." He clasped onto her hands, holding her closely to himself.  
  
"Excuse me! Where do you get off kidnapping me and furthermore proceeding to insult me?" She tried to push him away, but his loving grip of death held firm.  
  
He sighed and looked at her. "Maybe if I try this slower…Yooouuuu are gooooing to maaaaarrrrry meeeee. Maaarrry. Marrry meeee."  
  
Michiru sighed. She hated this constant belittlement. "Noooooo, weeeee arrrre not getting maaaaarrriiied."  
  
"Noooo, yooooou don't understaaaaand."  
  
"No! Yooou don't understand. I am a lesbiaaaaan. I like giiiiiiirls!"  
  
"Yoooou like meeee?"  
  
"Noooooo."  
  
This game went on for a few hours, verbally sparring each other in the slow yet supportive tone that a kindergarten teacher would use to for a child struggling to grasp something. Alaric sighed heavily, brushing his silver hair back in frustration. "I'm sorry my love. I did not know that your mental state would be so base. We'll have to work on that right away, but it's okay because I still love you." He kissed her gently on the cheek and walked out the gold archway.  
  
She was fuming. All that he had done was spew a torrent of nasty insults her way, and he had to audacity to say he loved her! She ran to follow him, wanting to henshin and beat his lights out, but as she approached the archway she was zapped with electricity and fell back to the floor. She now felt very stupid, having not accounted for proper security measures that madmen like Alaric usually had lying about. Her body was still too tired and weak to have taken that hit. She curled up into a ball and sighed forlornly, slowly slipping back into unconsciousness. "Haruka…where are you?"  
  
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Haruka had looked everywhere for Michiru. Every lead that she taken had only ended up in a dead end, yet the wind was still pushing her onward. Where was it taking her? Why was the path so unattainable?  
  
"What do you want to tell me!?" She yelled up at the sky. She sat down on a park bench, letting out a sigh of frustration. A cool breeze whisked by her face, begging for her attention. She lifted her head and saw a few leaves swirling around. The wind dragged them all around in a circle.  
  
"So is that what you want? To send me around in circles on a wild good chase while Michiru is in trouble?" The wind blew violently in her face, scolding her for not paying attention. It died down again and resumed swirling the leaves. In a few moments, the leaves had lifted above the ground and were wafting high up in the air. Finally, the message clicked in Haruka's brain. "Of course! You were telling me all along…" She leapt up and ran off, knowing exactly where she had to go next.  
  
She pressed a few buttons, dusting off the control console of the old helicopter. "I told Michiru repairing this thing would come in handy…and she wanted a submarine." The reflection of Michiru's delicate smile looked back at her through the many gauges. "Don't worry…you'll be home soon."  
  
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An expensive vase of unusual crafting, which once stood on a beautifully polished oak end table, now lay in pieces, shattered against walls tiled with precious gems. Alaric sat on a large throne of black obsidian. The veins on his hand were popping up as he held it clenched in a tight fist. "She should be grateful to be chosen by me. Out of the millions upon millions of women in the universe, I choose her, and she repays me with silence and hatred. This is becoming absolutely TIRESOME!"  
  
Another vase went crashing against another wall. A small figure scurried to clean the mess up. She smiled up at him supportively. "Don't be so hard on yourself master…she'll come around sometime. You are the most eligible bachelor in the universe and by far the most handsome."  
  
"You know what Tampaxia? You're right. She just doesn't understand how much she loves me yet. But I grow weary of trying to teach her. Ah, love is blind for I have fallen head over heels for this angel…this base, crude angel named…what was it again?"  
  
1 "Michiru Kaiou…"  
  
"Ah yes, Michiru. A love like no other burns in my heart for you. I won't rest until you know that you feel the same for me." He let out a heaving sigh, tossing a few stray locks of his long silver hair over his shoulder. "Tampaxia, bring Michiru here."  
  
"As you wish m'lord," she bowed obediently and teleported away, only to reappear moments later carrying the bruised and battered form of Michiru in her arms. She had gagged and tied the girl, whose struggling had become rather unpleasant.  
  
"My love…" Alaric cooed softly. "Are you going to behave now or are we going to have to keep you chained up like some animal? You know you're far too good for that…"  
  
Michiru let out a few muffled words. She kicked at the air, futilely trying to hit his smirking face. Tampaxia took the gag from her mouth so that she could respond. "I'm never going to marry a piece of—"  
  
"Ah, language, language dear," chided Tampaxia as she shoved the gag back in Michiru's mouth. "Master, I don't think she'll be complying anytime soon."  
  
"I think what we need is to take a different approach to this situation, and I know just what we're going to do." He walked over and patted Michiru's green hair, grabbing her restraints and dragging her across his marble floors. He tied her to a marble pillar, then motioned for Tampaxia to follow him.  
  
"What do you have in mind master? Huh? Huh? I'm the suspense is killing me!" Her upper body popped up abruptly, causing her to hit her head on a lighting fixture. "Sorry, I just get so worked up sometimes…"  
  
"Not to worry, my dear servant. I understand your eagerness to please your wonderful master." He placed a hand on her shoulder and with a hard thrust, slammed her back into compact size. "Tampaxia…are you familiar with earth mythology?"  
  
"Eh?" Her blank expression was enough of an answer for him.  
  
"There is a story of a man who wanted to tame a flying horse. It was a magnificent creature but had a fiery temper, so he went to the goddess of wisdom for help and she gave him a bridle. This was no ordinary bridle. It gave him the power to tame the beautiful creature." They stopped in front of a large door. He took a small key out of his pocket and opened it. They entered a room full of priceless treasures. "One might think that is just a silly story, but here, where I keep my most treasured possessions, I keep that artifact. I found it when I was vacationing in the Aegean…"  
  
Tampaxia stood in awe as he opened a case that held a sparkling golden collar. "Ooh! It's so pretty!"  
  
"Of course, I had it modified to be more fashionable. I wasn't into collecting beautiful horses. Beautiful women are another story." He picked it up and grinned. "With this, I shall tame the wild heart of Miss Kaiou."  
  
Alaric and Tampaxia shared a glance. They grinned at each other and, as most villains tend to do, threw their heads back and laughed maniacally into the air. Their laughter echoed through the halls, sending chills down Michiru's spine as she sat, unaware of the terrible fate that lay before her.  
  
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Uranus landed the helicopter on a structure that had been hiding itself in the clouds. She stepped out of the chopper and onto the hull of a massive spaceship of some sort. She looked around, searching for an entrance of some sort. The air, cool and damp, made her whole body shiver. She found a small access hatch not to far from where she had landed. She lifted it up and slipped inside as stealthily as possible.  
  
"Now where can Michiru be?" She mumbled to herself. She paused for a second, curling up into a ball as her cramps decided to kick in again. "Of all the convenient times for this to act up…"  
  
She stood up, doing her best to ignore the pain. She pulled the grate off of an air duct and climbed in. Room by room she went, searching for her lover, but there was no trace of the green-haired beauty. She paused for a moment to rest, massaging her stomach for some relief. "Michiru, I'm so sorry…I treated you terribly when you were doing everything for me, and now, you could be dead for all I know. It'd be all my fault."  
  
There was a rumbling in the ventilation ducts. Uranus looked back to where she had come from. A white substance was speeding its way towards her. She squinted, puzzled by the fact that it appeared to be a mass of cotton balls. She crawled with haste, but the cotton was catching up to her. Finally, it hit her with a strong force that sped her along the ducts until finally pushing her through a grate into a gigantic room.  
  
She lay there for a second, bruised and bleeding slightly. She looked around and saw gold, silver, jewels, and marble everywhere. There wasn't one inch of space that wasn't adorned with some sort of priceless material. In the distance, a glimmer of gold caught her eye. Michiru knelt by a black obsidian throne, her head resting on the lap of an unseen stranger.  
  
"Michiru!" Uranus shouted, overjoyed just to know Michiru was alive. She ran towards her lover, but was stopped short by a stranger monster. "Get out of my way, unless you want to get hurt."  
  
"Ah such anger. Is it that time of the month? You know, if you suffer from violent mood swings, it may not just be PMS." Tampaxia grinned cheerfully at her. "It may be the signs of a much more serious condition. Did you know that one in every five women suffers from PMDD?"  
  
Uranus stared blankly at the youma. This was one of the most bizarre creatures she had ever encountered. "You're a tampon! God, why the hell am I even listening to you? Get the hell out of my way!"  
  
"I'm afraid I can't do that." Tampaxia sighed. "And if you're going to be difficult I'll have to teach you a lesson."  
  
Before Tampaxia could finish, Uranus already had her space sword out. She stabbed the tampon monster in the stomach. Tampaxia let out a small squeal of pain as she fell to the ground. She lay there twitching and rambling about Pre-Menstrual Dysfunctional Disorder. Uranus walked over her and continued towards Michiru. "Michiru, come on. We're going home."  
  
"She is home," a cool voice commented. Uranus could now see the alien figure seated on the throne. He sat there, grinning, as he gently stroked Michiru's hair. Her face was in a dazed smile. Her eyes were empty of all feeling. "She's with her fiancé now. I suggest you leave."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about? Michiru is a lesbian." Uranus said, as she continued to approach the throne. Alaric sighed, realizing she wasn't about to give up. He snapped his fingers and Michiru rose to her feet. Uranus stopped, as she watched Michiru take her henshin wand out.  
  
"Neptune Planet Power, Make-Up!" Uranus watched on in disbelief as Michiru henshined and stood, ready to attack. She raised her left arm into the air, and Uranus knew what was coming. Like a rising wave, her right arm went up, forming a ball of energy. "Deep Submerge!"  
  
Uranus braced herself as she was hit with the attack. She was flung backwards across the floor. She had not expected that the attack would be so powerful. She sat panting on the floor as Neptune began to approach. She looked up at Neptune's empty face, void of all feeling. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't hurt Neptune, but she had to defend herself. Her eyes once again caught a glimmer of gold. She thought back to one of her old history lessons on Greece. "The necklace…that has to be it!"  
  
Neptune lifted her right hand again, poised to attack. She kept walking closer and closer, to hit Uranus at point blank range and finish the fight once and for all. "Deep Sub—"  
  
"Space Sword Blaster!" Uranus shouted, taking a well-aimed slice at the collar. It spilt in two and clattered to the floor. Neptune stopped short, collapsing to the ground. Uranus rushed to her side to see if she was all right. "Michiru…gomen ne."  
  
"Damn earthlings! Ever since I came here, you caused me nothing but trouble! My angel would not marry me, and here you are to take my angel away just when I had her. Fine then! I'm tired of this searching and searching for a bride!" Alaric growled with hate in his eyes. He snapped his fingers and Tampaxia landed in his lap. He placed a hand on her stomach, healing her wound. "I'm going to lose my youth if I keep searching for a bride…Tampaxia. I order you to marry me."  
  
She looked up at him with glee. "Really? Wow! Yatta! I'm going to be a bride! I do! I do!"  
  
Alaric looked back at Uranus. "Are you happy now? Get out of here and take that ungrateful witch with you!" He watched as Uranus carried his angel away. He sighed, as Tampaxia prance around the room talking about bridesmaids' gowns.  
  
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Michiru woke up. The bright sun made her groan uncomfortably. She rolled over and felt a body next to hers. She moaned, praying to God that it wasn't Alaric. A warm smile came to her face as she saw Haruka, cuddled up next to her. She was so happy, she could cry. "I'm home…I'm really home."  
  
"Michiru…" Haruka opened her eyes sleepily. She yawned and wrapped her arms around Michiru, burying her face in waves of soft green hair. She sighed happily. "My one week sentence of pain is over."  
  
"That's good." Michiru replied softly. She laid a soft kiss on Haruka's cheek. "I missed you, but I have to know: how did I get home?"  
  
"A daring rescue on my part, of course."  
  
"My hero…"  
  
They curled up together. The two were content to lie there with no more talk of Midol, tampons, cramps, and PMS for at least another month or so.  
  
1.1 The End ^_^ 


End file.
